“That never should have happened.” “Families are supposed to love each other.” “I’ve always taken good care of myself, how can I be sick?” Do any of these sound familiar? Every time you buy into the idea life is supposed to be other than it actually is, you’re denying reality. Reality represents what is factual, what already exists in your world and your experience. Denying or protesting reality doesn’t change it, but it does estrange you from it since wanting your life to be other than it is pulls you away from what is happening here now.
When you protest what is, you consume energy you could be applying toward creating a new future. Yes, it’s frustrating when life doesn’t go your way but why not make shifts now allowing you to create a new and improved reality instead of fighting against what has already happened?
Reframe your life in terms of the facts. The more you can get into a “Just the facts, Ma’am” mindset, the easier this is. Facts don’t carry an emotional charge and don’t involve judgment. They simply are what they are. Let yourself acknowledge reality and then be with whatever feelings arise while extending the deepest compassion for yourself you can muster. Notice again and again what feels hard and be kind to yourself around it. Yes, life is hard sometimes, whatever happened did happen, family members don’t always behave lovingly, sometimes you get sick, and so on. It’s okay, you’re okay, and so is everyone else. Truly!
In terms of Jin Shin Jyutsu® (JSJ) Japanese acupressure self-helps for this, Safety Energy Lock (SEL) 9 helps you be in the here and now, to recognize reality and be with it. SEL 9 is awkward to reach so you use the high 19 SEL’s, one hand width above the 19’s, as a proxy for it. You can gently hold the points for 36 out-breaths and in-breaths, for a fixed length of time, or until it feels “done.” Here is the Safety Energy Lock Diagram.
For the courage to face reality, try the JSJ Gallbladder self-help. To harmonize all emotions, especially grief, apply the Lung self-help. Here are the Jin Shin Jyutsu® Organ Function Self-Helps.