Acting one way when you actually feel differently on the inside is called “Trying to” in Jin Shin Jyutsu® (JSJ) Japanese acupressure. One variation of “Trying to” is perfectionism, the sense you need to be flawless, exceptional even, and certainly above human ordinariness. The fear behind “trying to” is fear of abandonment. Not merely abandonment, but abandonment which causes you to perish. At a rational level, you can tell yourself this fear is unfounded or even silly but somewhere in your unconscious you remember what it’s like to be abandoned and it’s terrifying. Between past life experiences, ancestral ones, and even what has happened in this lifetime, your awareness of needing connections to survive runs deep and is fundamentally true and real.
So you learn to behave in ways considered acceptable, proper, and appropriate by your family, peer group, and society at large, some of which may require you to pretend to be someone you’re not, to pretend you meet the set standard. You may even raise the standard higher just to be sure you’ve got it covered. The big issue with morphing to please is it requires you to abandon your authentic self. So your deep fear of abandonment causes you to abandon yourself!
We no longer live in an age where being authentic shall cause you to be left to starve but rather one where you can find people who embrace you for exactly who and what you are, allowing you to behave congruently internally and externally. Even better is when you realize aligning to yourself frees you from concern about what others are thinking about you.
The JSJ self-help harmonizers for “trying to” are Safety Energy Locks 24 through 26, organ function self-helps Heart and Small Intestine, and the pinkie finger or “T” in WFAST. You can gently hold the points for thirty-six out-breaths and in-breaths, for a fixed length of time, or until it feels “done.”