The Fear Masked By “Trying To”

masks_smActing one way when you actually feel differently on the inside is called “Trying to” in Jin Shin Jyutsu® (JSJ) Japanese acupressure.  One variation of “Trying to” is perfectionism, the sense you need to be flawless, exceptional even, and certainly above human ordinariness.  The fear behind “trying to” is fear of abandonment.  Not merely abandonment, but abandonment which causes you to perish.  At a rational level, you can tell yourself this fear is unfounded or even silly but somewhere in your unconscious you remember what it’s like to be abandoned and it’s terrifying.  Between past life experiences, ancestral ones, and even what has happened in this lifetime, your awareness of needing connections to survive runs deep and is fundamentally true and real.

So you learn to behave in ways considered acceptable, proper, and appropriate by your family, peer group, and society at large, some of which may require you to pretend to be someone you’re not, to pretend you meet the set standard.  You may even raise the standard higher just to be sure you’ve got it covered.  The big issue with morphing to please is it requires you to abandon your authentic self.  So your deep fear of abandonment causes you to abandon yourself!

We no longer live in an age where being authentic shall cause you to be left to starve but rather one where you can find people who embrace you for exactly who and what you are, allowing you to behave congruently internally and externally.  Even better is when you realize aligning to yourself frees you from concern about what others are thinking about you.

The JSJ self-help harmonizers for “trying to” are Safety Energy Locks 24 through 26, organ function self-helps Heart and Small Intestine, and the pinkie finger or “T” in WFAST.  You can gently hold the points for thirty-six out-breaths and in-breaths, for a fixed length of time, or until it feels “done.”

Please see these pages for help with harmonizing:
Safety Energy Lock Diagram 
Jin Shin Jyutsu® Organ Function Self-Helps 
Intense Emotions? Try WFAST-ing 

If you’d like to read about the fears behind anger and worry, please visit these blog posts:
 The Fear Fueling Anger
 The Fear Creating Worry


  1. Christy, I always enjoy your blog posts and how they help shift my paradigms and belief systems.
    I am trying to connect this one to circumstances when I make dietary choices that I don’t really want to. In other words I’m trying to modify my own behavior to match my own standards, but don’t always succeed. Does this relate or am I missing the point? Thank you.


    • Tricia,
      Thanks as always for your interest and great questions! I’m glad my posts are helping you make shifts in perception and belief.

      Your question is tricky one to answer. There’s often an element in perfectionism or “trying to” in our efforts to control our behaviors but for those people who are over the “must have the perfect size 0 body,” it’s less about perfectionism and more about inviting wanted behaviors over unwanted ones. What I’ve described here will help harmonize being hard on yourself for not meeting your or someone else’s standards. In other words, you can cultivate more compassion for yourself and sidestep self-judgment which tends to also lessen the grip of whatever behavior you don’t want.

      I hope this helps,


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