Authentically Yours

authentic_yoursWith my clients and in my own life, I invite deeper and deeper authenticity.  Long ago I unconsciously morphed to please, particularly with authority figures, family members, and significant others.  For example for many years, I adapted to each man I dated until I couldn’t stand it any more, then I’d find someone else and repeat the pattern.  I just wanted harmonious relationships and to feel connected and loved, seeing it as a pattern came much later.

Self-acceptance largely determines how comfortably you reveal yourself to others.  If you don’t know how authenticity feels it may take a while before you realize you’ll never feel satisfied pleasing others at your own expense.  The most noticeable adapting occurs when you overtly adapt your behaviors to please, often unconsciously.  You go along with whatever other people want to do as much as possible.

You might also adapt by concealing your thoughts and feelings, successfully avoiding conflict but also preventing the intimacy of being deeply seen, heard, and felt.  All adapting betrays you at a soul level and when you value “nice” or accommodating or uncritical over authentic, self-concealment often becomes a habit, reflecting a systemic, usually long-standing, desire to avoid rejection and criticism.  Examining your definition of a “good” wife, mother, employee, friend and so on may reveal how you inadvertently fall into this trap.

Our souls desire open authenticity.  Your openly authentic words and behaviors align to you and your soul’s purposes on this planet.  Inner conflict dissolves and with new confidence and clarity, you focus less on others’ approval and learn you can experience internal satisfaction without it.

The Akashic Records help build self-acceptance, confidence, and authenticity.  Or for Jin Shin Jyutsu® acupressure self-help, apply the Heart, Small Intestine Organs, Safety Energy Locks 24, 25 or 26.  Holding each pinkie Finger also supports this.     

Authenticity empowers and elevates everyone.  Have you become more authentic, more openly yourself?  I invite you to post a success story!

 

12 comments

  1. Hi Christy,
    A powerful message for everyone, especially women who have the disease to please. Love this line–“All adapting betrays you at a soul level”
    Joanne:)

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    • Thanks, Joanne! I find it sad so many suffer from the disease to please. I feel even more sad when clients tell me they don’t even know their own wants any more. Adapting definitely takes us off our soul course!

      I appreciate your interest and comments as always, thank you.

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      • Hi Christy,
        I like the phraseology of “disease to please” as it helps to put it in proper perspective and is a phrase that can hone in on the contradictory nature as in the “dis-ease” of “pl-ease”. I further can relate to periods in my life of loosing touch with the ability to even identify my wants, let alone pursue them. I wonder if the notion of “being in service” transcends into the “disease to please” for some?
        Thank you for another insightful and thought provoking post.
        Tricia

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      • Hi Tricia,
        You’re so welcome, thank *you* for your interest and your post. I love how you pulled out the word ease since authenticity and ease are symbiotic partners!

        Far too many women, myself included, know this place of self-alienation far too well. Ideally as your self-awareness grows, your wants integrate into the whole of who you are and become part of your internal guidance system.

        I do think asking how you can be of service transcends the disease to please because service, a soul level commitment, differs dramatically from pleasing, an ego strategy. Pleasing actually focuses on the pleaser, not the receiver.

        Thanks again,
        Christy

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  2. I recently joined Toastmasters to sharpen my public speaking skills. A man who called himself a “stutterer” delivered a moving speech as he described his speaking experiences. I thanked him after his presentation and, as he talked about some of his public speaking concerns, I heard myself say, “Yes, I understand.” Surprised, he asked, “How do you understand?” Tears clouded my eyes and I said, “I was in a car accident in 2004. I’m a brain injury survivor.” In admitting this aloud, I realized that, although I’m a strong speaker, I have bouts of short term memory loss and sometimes can’t remember what I was talking about when I reach the end of a sentence. His speech and our conversation helped me realize how afraid I was of speaking (especially a prepared talk) because I feared forgetting. I realized my honesty allows other to be authentic, too. I’ve only belonged for a month, but I’ve won best extemporaneous speech every week I’ve competed. My first prepared speech is this Wednesday. I found a huge relief in sharing my fear with someone else who understood … I’m not alone. But it’s not going to stop me from doing what I love!

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    • Julie,
      Thank you so much for sharing your story of authenticity! I love the ripple effect your authentic sharing had on your fellow Toastmaster and how it then returned to you. Congratulations also on your great extemporaneous speeches. I’m smiling inside and out at your post. 🙂

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    • Right, Mindy! Hiding to feel safe and accepted doesn’t actually make us feel safe and accepted, does it? I love that you provide room for others to be themselves with you – it’s a real gift to be seen and heard as you are rather than feeling pressure to meet external or internal expectations, I’m sure people appreciate your acceptance. Thanks for your comment!

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  3. Great advice. I spend most of my years in my 20’s adapting to others needs instead of my own and was very unhappy. Many years later I have found happiness not through others but by being myself, my authentic self. Great article!

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    • Thanks Maureen, I appreciate hearing your perspective. I had the same experience in my 20’s and didn’t realize the problem was internal, not external. Authenticity invites happiness! Thanks for the kudos.

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