Since my father’s recent passing, my mother grapples with bill paying, grocery shopping, home maintenance, and getting gas, to name a few. Since she lives in the Midwest of the U.S. and I live in Vermont, I help with physical matters during visits and financial ones as best I can remotely. While part of me wants to bring short-term relief by taking on as much as I can for her, another more conscious part realizes over-involvement undermines us both. I find it beneficial to ask what’s in her and my highest good when I need clarity on how to truly help.
Often clients report feeling burdened by helping others, especially family members. The records consistently counsel not to give “at your own expense” meaning not to deplete yourself, emphasizing how your own health and well-being provide the foundation for your giving. While extenuating circumstances may compel you to give beyond your normal comfort zone you must sustain yourself if you wish to help others effectively long-term. This can particularly challenge anyone with discounted childhood wants, needs, and feelings.
It helps to tune into what you own around someone’s situation and to remind yourself everyone owns their own growth path. Sometimes helping less ultimately helps more because it allows the person to master their challenges and build confidence. If you frame it in terms of learning, what do each of you seek to develop, transcend, teach, and so on? It helps to remember each of us elected a soul-specific curriculum when we incarnated.
Appropriate giving feels good, not burdensome. Most people love to help when they can but giving can turn into resentment, exhaustion, and other negative conditions for both giver and receiver when it goes out of balance.
When does not helping or helping less arduously feel good? Does saying no to excessive helping allow you to say yes to yourself?